


Earthling

by Yourheartstillworks



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Star Wars Episode V: Empire Strikes Back, Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 21:03:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9402782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yourheartstillworks/pseuds/Yourheartstillworks
Summary: You wanted it to stop, you wanted to push his hand away, you wanted to get up and find someone else, find Jyn or Galen or Kaytoo, and- oh, Force, you wanted to kiss him. You could feel your heart pound in your chest like war-drums. You could feel it bang against your ribs, threatening to break them from the inside if you didn’t do what it was asking. You wanted to kiss him, you wanted to kiss him. Then it was you who was shaking. Your finger twitched and you started to raise your arm. Do something- push him away! Pull him closer! Do something!!Push, pull, stop, kiss. Kiss. Kiss.Kiss.





	1. memories

Although there was not much you could remember from your time on Earth, you did recall  _ some _ things. Like how you were never really a rebellious teenager. You did what needed to be done and went on with your life. And though you hated going to school (what teen didn’t?) you still did all your work and got good grades- well… average grades.

It all seemed like such a long time ago, although it couldn’t have been less than 9 years. Perhaps it was the distance? You would never know. But you remembered so vividly the day you left. Not by choice, of course. But come on, if you’d been given the  _ option _ of leaving Earth, you would not have hesitated. But you weren’t given an option. Neither were all the other humans taken alongside you.

At 17, quickly nearing the ‘adult’ age of 18, you had been ripped away from everything you knew and everyone you loved. The last thing you saw before entering that ship, was your father. He had tears in his eyes, but he could do nothing but watch as his only child was kidnapped. You didn’t fight because you knew you wouldn’t win. At least if you complied, your lifespan would be increased. You were just trying to survive. And still, you had no clue what they did to the people they didn’t take from Earth. You tried not to think about it. You tried so hard not to think about it. You tried not to think about what they did to your father. Or to your grandparents. But you couldn’t help it sometimes. Sometimes, you could see it happening. You could see the blaster being raised, and then you watch your father fall to the ground. Limp. 

Right. Blasters. The thing that made your kidnapping all the more interesting. Something you’d gone your whole life thinking was just a story, was really there. You’d watched the Star Wars movies plenty of times and although you had dreams where an x-wing would come pick you up and take you away from your miserable planet, that never happened. Not an x-wing, at least. You almost threw up while it was happening. You felt like you were spinning. An actual stormtrooper was taking you into space. A real stormtrooper. The real Empire took you away and forced you to work for them. 

It made you shudder, and then you realized how long you’d been lost in thought. You looked around, hoping nobody was watching. You stretched a bit, noticing that there was nobody around. It was usually how your day went, anyway. Working alone, not having to deal with any human (or non-human) interaction. You craned your neck to look out the large window in front of you. A sense of dread quickly loomed over you, even though you’d looked out this window hundreds of times. You knew what was out there, but it still made you sick every time your eyes landed on it. The Death Star. Still being built, but dangerously close to being complete. Another item on the list of ‘things that shouldn’t fucking exist but somehow do’.

You glared at the thing and sat back in your seat. You hated your new life. Usually, someone working for the Empire wouldn’t care about what was going on around them. They were usually brainwashed to think that it was okay. But you spent the beginning of your life being a decent human being. You knew what was right and what was wrong. You knew the Empire was horrible, and the rebellion was good. But there wasn’t an escape for you, not yet anyway. There wasn’t a way out. You were an intelligence officer of the Empire now. You were taught by none other than Orson Krennic himself. He liked to think he was some sort of fatherly figure to you. You tried not to let it bother you. Not that it would matter if you showed your true annoyance. After all, he was crazily self-absorbed. He was the same way with Galen Erso, a man who you’d only met on a few occasions. Despite that, you liked him. You were always good at reading people, and Galen seemed to be a whole lot like you. He had this- air around him. You could tell that he was in the same kind of pain you were in. He’d told you once about his family, about his daughter. He was so kind. You had opened up to him that day, as well. Not about wanting to leave. Nothing that, if overheard, would get you into deep trouble. But you told him about your family, and how much you missed them. Your two sisters and brother. All of your cousins that you were so close to. The friends you considered family. You told him what you could remember about Earth, though not much. Still only about 9 years behind you and yet it was blurry.

Despite what Krennic thought of himself, you had always counted Galen as your fatherly figure. You felt closer to him spiritually. You trusted him. He was better than Krennic in every single way. And the two of you had a lot in common. How you felt about Krennic, how you felt about the Death Star, and how you felt about the Empire.

You shook your head. You had to stop getting lost in thought. Taking a deep breath, you stood up. You walked briskly towards the doors behind you. You’d been waiting for Krennic to arrive for hours now. You pressed your hand to the small panel on the right. It blinked, beeped loudly, and the door slid open with ease. On the other side, you saw storm troopers. They walked in your direction. You stood in front of the door and waited, assuming that they were there for you. 

“Director Krennic sent us to get you, ma’am.” One said. You fought the urge to wrinkle your nose, and nodded. They turned and went, expecting you to follow. You hesitated for a moment and hurried after them. You could feel that something bad was about to happen. Krennic never missed his meetings with you and he usually sent you messages himself. Of course, he used to send the death troopers to get you if the situation arrived. But you were extremely terrified of them. They were each nearly 7 feet tall. You told him to stop sending them. 

You adjusted your jacket, watching the storm troopers. You didn’t even know them but you already disliked them. They weren’t raised into this job from birth. Most of them were hired. Why would they do the stuff the Empire told them? Why the hell would they think that was okay? You took a deep breath. That didn’t matter. Nothing you thought really mattered. You weren’t going anywhere anytime soon, or ever. You could imagine shooting these troopers down with other rebels all you wanted, but that was never going to happen. You were of the Empire. Regardless of how you felt about it. 

Surprisingly, Krennic was on base. He was on the main deck, talking to the man you’d learned was called Tarkin. He reminded you of a monster in an old horror movie you watched as a teenager. One which you’d forgotten the plot to. Wait- or was it a video game? Either way, he was scary. He looked skeletal, his skin tightly pulled over his bones. He had large amounts of purple under his eyes, you almost felt like asking if he’d seen a doctor. You shuddered as you approached the two of them. 

Krennic turned his head to you, letting a smile fall onto his lips. You forced a small one back at him, nodding. “Krennic,” You said, coming to stand next to him. “Sir.” You addressed Tarkin, nodding at him as well. 

“Miss (Y/L/N), I have heard many great things about you,” He said, smiling. Somehow, you became more uncomfortable. The way he smiled just threw you off. His mouth seemed to move unnaturally.

“But that’s not why we are here.” Krennic cuts Tarkin off, and you can tell immediately that the two don’t like one another. You turn your attention back to him, raising an eyebrow. Tarkin was higher up, which meant that whatever this news was wasn’t going to be good. It excited you a bit. You couldn’t show that, but you definitely could feel it. Something was wrong and there was a very good chance that it had to do with the Death Star. Maybe something broke? Maybe it was disabled somehow? 

You snapped out of it, not letting your thoughts overtake you again.  “Has something happened?” You asked cooly. 

Krennic pursed his lips, glancing at Tarkin for a moment. “One of our cargo pilots defected today,” He said. “He’s on Jedha, spreading word of our weapon.”

Your heart began to race. You tried to look upset, maybe even a little bit angry. “How could that happen?” You made it seem as if this really was bad news. Even though this was the greatest news you’d heard in years. You gave Krennic an angry glare as if blaming him for the incident. 

“That hardly matters at the moment,” Tarkin intervened. He looked out at the battle station. “What matters is stopping that pilot from getting word any further than Jedha.”

Your eyebrows knitted together in confusion until you followed his gaze outwards. They raised slowly, in realization of what he meant. “You’re not suggesting-”

“I am. A test of the weapon. Jedha.” He turned back to the both of you, mostly to Krennic. “Give the order.”

Krennic seemed to run over the command in his head. He clenched his jaw and turned towards the crew. “Head to Jedha. Prepare the weapon.” The crew seemed to go into overdrive as they scattered around, following the order. 

You felt your chest tighten. An entire city of people was about to die, not to mention the sacred temple that would be destroyed. The last reminder of the Jedi. You wanted to shake the thoughts out of your head, but you were in public. You inhaled deeply and turned, deciding to head to your living quarters. After all, everything was in motion. It was the only place you were going to get peace and quiet. 

 

-

 

You’d gotten about ten minutes to yourself before Krennic came knocking. He needed you on the Death Star too, as you were an important part of the Empire now. You wanted so bad to refuse. But how could you? As far as everybody else could see, this weapon was yours to celebrate as well. Though you hated it, you had to go. 

You felt rather sick as the station settled over Jedha. It was a beautiful view of the planet, but that view was quickly ruined. The explosion was quick, and although you were too far away to feel any kind of shaking, you still gripped the railing in front of you. Your head was spinning as you watched hundreds of children and families perish in the fire. There was no clapping after it was done. Nobody talked, nobody cheered. The workers all stared out at the destruction they had caused. You hoped that they felt horrible, that they regretted it. But it was doubtful. 

“Oh, it’s beautiful…” Krennic remarked, not taking his eyes off of it. You glared in his direction, knowing he was too distracted to notice. He adjusted his gloves and turned to go. You didn’t watch him, instead keeping your eyes on the destruction below. 

“I believe I owe you an apology, Director Krennic.” Tarkin's voice came loudly, louder than you expected from such a frail body. The people around Krennic scattered, leaving room for him to look at Tarkin. You turned your head to watch the two of them.

“You’ll tell the Emperor as much?” Came Krennic’s response. A smirk was ever present on his lips. You wanted to slap him.

Tarkin seemed to shrug, almost mechanically.  “I will tell him that his patience with your misadventures has been rewarded with a weapon that will bring a swift end to the rebellion.” He grinned, and this time you couldn’t hold back a disgusted face. 

“And that was only an  _ inkling _ of its destructive potential.” You turned your head back to the planet, still listening to them argue.

“I will tell him that I will be taking control over the weapon I first spoke of years ago effective immediately.” 

There was silence for a moment. The air changed, you felt it get tense, angry. You didn’t turn all the way, only glancing at Krennic. You could see the thoughts spiraling in his mind. You watched his sneer turn into a hard frown. His eyebrows creased. “We stand here amidst _ my _ achievement, _ not yours _ !”

Tarkin was quick to answer. “I’m afraid that the recent security breach has shown your i _ nadequacy _ as a military director.”

“The breaches have been filled. Jedha has been _silenced_.” Krennic stalked towards the skeleton man.  
“You think this pilot acted alone? He was dispatched from the installation on Eadu. Galen Erso’s facility.” 

You turned completely around at the mention of Galen. Krennic glanced your way, making eye contact. You tried to look surprised, to looked in the least bit shocked by this news, but you weren’t. You knew that Galen would do this eventually. You always knew he would do this. Krennic knew too, you could tell by the way he clenched his jaw, looking back at Tarkin. There was a new venom in his eyes. “We will see about this,” He said through his teeth. He waved his hand for you to follow, and you didn’t hesitate. He turned and stormed out, you and his death troopers at his heel. 

The gnawing feeling in your chest from before only grew as you thought about what would happen to Galen. Krennic must have known this would happen, right? He must have… He had kidnapped poor Galen Erso and killed his wife. He had tried to take his daughter. He knew Galen would do this. He knew that Galen hated him. But they were close when they were young. Nothing could erase that completely, not even Krennics horrible deeds. You felt sick to your stomach. Your only friend, your only real friend that was left was most likely going to be killed for this. If not by the Empire, then by the rebellion. Word was out that he helped build that death machine. The rebels wouldn’t take any chances with letting him live, in case the problem grew. But their problem was not growing. It was grown. It was huge. It was hungry. You rubbed your eyes, feeling the start of tears. You took a deep breath and pushed the feelings away. Galen would be okay. You would sacrifice your own life to make sure of that. He was all you had left.

 

\--

 

Of all the places in the galaxy, Eadu was your least favorite to visit. It was a drab planet, completely made of hurricanes. Not literally made of them, but there was sure as hell a lot of hurricanes. All the time. You hated being on it. Umbrellas didn't seem to exist in space, or nobody cared to own any. So the minute your foot hit the ground outside the command shuttle, you were covered in water. You wiped it out of your eyes and for the first time in your nine years in space, you were thankful for the miserable downpour. If anything horrible were to befall Galen Erso today, you would be able to cry about it. As you knew you would. Though, you desperately wanted to turn around and get back on. You wanted to grab Krennic by the arm and take him with you. He hadn't spoken a word to you for the entire ride. You were scared. You were scared for Galen. You had no idea what Krennic was going to do. He was a particularly emotional person, right now he was a ticking time bomb ready to explode. 

 

When Galen stepped out onto the platform, you tensed. You turned your attention to the ground, not wanting to watch what came next. You could feel his eyes on you, but yet you refused to look up. You were expecting the worst in that moment. But instead of Galen getting shot down, Krennic spoke calmly of the finished weapon. He turned slightly to you as you looked up and smiled. Then he turned his attention back to Galen. “Gather your engineers. I want to congratulate them.” 

 

Then that feeling in your gut returned. Galen paused, glanced at you, and then walked back inside. Within seconds he and his colleagues were out on the platform. He walked in front of them. “What is this about…?” He asked. Krennic waved his hand. Galen came to stand next to you. Neither of you looked at each other. You both waited for what Krennic was going to do. 

 

He adjusted his cuffs, smiling smugly. “One of you,” He yelled over the sound of rain hitting metal. “Has betrayed the Empire.” The men all looked at each other, confused by his accusation. They had no idea what he was talking about. “Now. That person must come forward.” You wanted to intervene, but you couldn't. And you knew it was selfish of you. But if one of these men were to be blamed instead of Galen, you would not lose your friend. He would be okay. It was wrong, sure. It was horrible. But you couldn't stand the thought of losing him. After everything you'd been through, it would be too much. 

 

Krennic looked over them, pursing his lips. You glanced at Galen. He was squinting because of the rain. His mouth hung open and he seemed to be standing on his toes, ready to move. You put your hand on his arm, making him look at you. ‘Don't.’ You mouthed. He stared at you, looking like he was in pain. You tightened your grip, pleading. ‘Please.’

 

“Alright. I'll consider it a group effort, then. Ready!” Krennic spoke quickly, making the both of you jump. He raised his arm and his troopers readied their weapons. “Aim,” Galen looked back at you, and you knew what was coming next. You loosened your grip. You knew you couldn't stop him. “FIRE!”

 

He pulled away from you, jumping in front of the men. “Stop! Krennic stop! It was me! It was me…” he looked at you one last time and then back to Krennic. Everything was silent besides the rain. You don't bother holding back tears anymore. Nobody could tell anyway. You clenched your fists at your sides, waiting. Krennic gestures and Galen steps closer to him. There was another pause and then everything moved at light speed. “Fire!” Krennic yelled and this time his death troopers followed his command. In seconds, the men were on the ground. Your breath hitched and you had to bring a hand to your mouth. Krennic brought his hand hard across Galen's cheek, making Galen fall to the ground. 

 

“Krennic!” You stepped forward. He ignored you like you weren't there. Galen glanced at you and then stared at the ground. You clenched your jaw. Krennic seemed to be whispering something that you couldn't hear. But there was something that you  _ could  _ hear. X-Wings. 

 

Krennic heard them too, quickly standing up and looking to the sky. They came so fast, there was barely any time for you to react. They flew overhead, not shooting just yet. But you knew they would and you knew who they were after. Krennic barked orders to those around him, trying to get ships up to fight back. That’s when you heard it. A woman’s voice. You barely heard it over the rain, but when you turned your head you saw her. 

  
“Father!” Even with the heavy downpour, you could see her resemblance to Galen clear as day. Galen was on his feet as fast as he’d fallen. He stared at her, shocked to stillness. But you knew that was the opportunity the rebels needed and in a split second, you’d thrown your body towards your friend and shoved him out of the way of a bomb. It hit right in the middle of both of you, but you took the most force. It sent you back towards the command shuttle. You smacked your head against cold metal and everything went black. 


	2. Scarif

 

You were surprised to find that your head did not ache when you woke up. Although the artificial light that met your eyes made you tear up, you felt alright. You adjusted yourself that you were sitting up, looking around the room. You shut your eyes, remembering what had just happened. You swallowed a lump in your throat, knowing that Galen must have died. You pushed your hair out of your face and threw the scratchy medical blankets off of you. Everything was intact, aside from a few cuts from the assault on Eadu that had since been sewn up. But they didn’t hurt, and you were quite keen on getting out of this medicenter. 

 

You swung your legs over the side of the bed, jumping up. Luckily the medical garments you were forced to wear were nothing like the ones on Earth. They were simply a long sleeved shirt and pants that were usually a dark gray. They were comfortable, and your butt wasn’t sticking out of the back. You kept them on. You couldn’t find any replacements anyway. You decided it would be best to just go back to your room and change. Hopefully, you wouldn’t have any run-ins with anyone on your way. 

 

If only you were that lucky. You made it halfway down the hall before Krennic and his parade of goons came stomping towards you. He  _ did  _ look rather worried seeing you out of bed, which would have made you happy if not for  _ who he was.  _ You pursed your lips, stopping in front of him. He looked ready to wrap his arms around you, but he only stared. Thank  _ God. _

 

“Honestly,” You started, “I’m fine. Nothing hurts.” You hoped that would reassure him, at least so that he would get the hell out of your way. But he just kept staring. “What?” You asked. 

 

“Galen Erso survived the attack on Eadu. He’s been taken in by the Resistance.”

 

You tensed, and there was a rush of relief and gratitude. You didn’t let it show, but you felt it so strongly that it almost made you swoon. He was okay. He was alive because of _ you. _ One inch closer to that blast and he would have died but… you’d risked your own life getting him out of the way. You shook your head, looking at the ground. “What does that mean for us…?”

 

“Lord Vader insisted that we go to Scarif. We’re to see if Galen has done anything to compromise our weapon,” Krennic explained, all the while fidgeting with his gloves. He tried not to look at you. You guessed he was hurting over Galen’s betrayal and how far it had gone. Or perhaps Vader had given him the scare Tarkin could not. Either way, he looked like he was hurting. You wanted to smile at that, but you couldn’t. 

 

You nodded. “When do we leave?” He said nothing, glancing at you for a moment... but you knew the answer. You paused and pushed past him. “I’ll meet you on the command shuttle, then.”

 

\--

 

Scarif was a whole lot nicer than Eadu. For one thing, it wasn’t made of hurricanes and sharp rocks. It was a place you’d like to spend a vacation if you ever had vacation time in between  _ mass murder.  _ But still- It was a lovely planet. There were many places as nice as this on Earth, but you were born in a desert and you moved further inland when you were about nine or ten years old. But it wasn’t nice there either. No trees and deer and lakes. Just plains and cows and awful people. 

 

You rested your head on the metal behind you, waiting for the command shuttle to land. You weren’t very excited about this trip because you wouldn’t be enjoying the beautiful weather and ocean. You’d be inside, as usual, helping with whatever Krennic told you to do. You were an intelligence officer, which given the size of the Empire and all the people with better jobs than you, it seemed like a rather tiny title. But you were important to Krennic, which was probably the only reason you were kept around. You wished, though, that Krennic and Galen weren’t the only two people you’d spoken to in your 9 years. You wished that the other people taken from Earth were as smart as you and tried to escape using their brains not their muscles. 

 

You had been in a cell for only two days before Orson Krennic came to investigate the prisoners. He was more spritely back then, more eager to inflict pain on those around him. You knew the kind of person he was. You’d spent most of your life studying human behavior. Which is probably why it was so easy for you to manipulate the man. You’d been huddled in the corner, sobbing your poor teenager eyes out when he approached you. You’d blabbed on about how confused and lost and scared you were. How cold it was and how you hadn’t been able to sleep. You cried and cried and cried and Krennic felt pity for you. He helped you up from your corner and led you from the cell, taking you under his wing.

 

But you knew better than to trust him. You pretended to trust him. To trust the Empire. You pretended to believe him, made him think he was a good person. That’s how you survived. You hated the Empire with everything that you had, but you had to push on. Keep lying. Survive. 

 

The shuttle lurched forward as it landed. You straightened your back, waiting to be let off. Krennic sat next to you, paying you no mind. You stretched as you rose, itching to walk, to get your legs moving. Two death troopers went first, you and Krennic followed. He walked briskly, knowing exactly where he was headed. You stepped with him in synch, imagining how threatening the pair of you must’ve looked. With two nearly seven-foot tall monsters walking in front of you and with Krennic’s cape flowing with every step. Everything went silent as you entered the command center. The troopers stayed behind at the door and Krennic descended into the control pit. An old man approached him slowly, Ramda you believed his name was. 

 

He stood nervously. “Director. What brings you to Scarif?” Krennic seemed to bristle at the sound of the man’s voice. Of course, the man had no idea about the current crisis. You could only assume he’d prepared a great big tour of the facility and a wonderful dinner for his superiors. 

 

“Galen Erso,” Krennic began, practically barking the work. “I want every dispatch, every transmission that he’s ever sent called up for inspection,” He demanded as he brushed past the poor man, not even sending a simple glance his way.

 

A pause as Ramda stared, wide-eyed. “Of course, sir. I’ll send my best men to the vault immediately.” He seemed confused and did a poor job of hiding it. You waited, knowing Krennic was close to shooting this man. You’d heard Krennic talk about plenty of his co-workers before, Ramda was not excluded.

 

“(Y/N), I want you to go as well. I trust you to get the job done.” Krennic glanced up at you, and you nodded.  You glanced to Ramda, who looked offended by this. You turned to him, catching his eye. He straightened his back as he turned completely to you. 

 

“Right… of course…”  He gestured to several officers by his side, “They will escort you to the vault.” He said quickly. You frowned, why should he be afraid of you? You weren’t very tall, and you hardly counted yourself as ‘scary.’ Especially without death troopers by your side. You brushed it off, nodding at him. The men stepped past you, and you trailed behind quickly. You hated having to walk so quickly, but you knew that these people were terrified of Krennic right now. They wanted to get this job done and they wanted to get it done quickly. 

 

Five minutes later and you and your escorts still hadn’t made it to the vault. There were too many hallways to go down, you partly wondered if they even knew where they were going. One of them stopped, listening to something through a small comlink and turned, walking away somewhere in a hurry. The first hadn’t looked at you the entire time. You doubted he would even know if you…

 

He didn’t. You managed to follow the second officer on his journey. He quickly gathered a guard and several stormtroopers. ‘Excessive’ You thought to yourself as you trailed behind. None of them noticed you, or perhaps they didn’t care. After all, you were (although  _ barely _ ) above them. Job wise, anyway. Definitely not in height. Not to mention best-friends-forever with Orson Krennic. Why would they oppose you? 

 

They walked until they got to this thing that sort of looked like a sideways elevator of sorts. It opened slowly, and you realized that if you didn’t get on now you wouldn’t be able to see where they were going. And you were bored, so so very bored. You wanted to explore. And you didn’t care what Krennic was going to say about it. Or the officer, for that matter. You squeezed yourself into the thing, trying to keep your back straight and jaw tight so that you seemed- _ well, who knows _ ?  _ Scary? Intimidating? Whatever. _ They didn’t say anything, so you assumed it worked.

 

Weeks of being in space (aside from the five minutes on a drab, storm-filled planet) really made you forget what real air felt like. Air like Scarif wasn’t something you came by all the time. It was fresh and smelled strongly of salt water. The sky was so brilliantly blue which, granted, was partly because of the barrier surrounding the planet. It looked like someone had tried to sweep all the sand off of the landing pad. To no avail of course. It crunched beneath your boots, and you nearly smiled. Something other than echoing metal for once. It felt good. 

 

You could've run off just then, gone down to the beach and sat by the water. But your curiosity got the best of you. The officer and his guard(s) now waited to board a small cargo ship. A Zeta-class, a little worn down and busted up. The design had always reminded you of a sea turtle. You watched the group enter the ship. You stayed back. There was something off. 

 

You waited, standing back away from the shuttle opening. But again, that curiosity hit.  _ Curiosity killed the cat _ , you thought to yourself,  _ but satisfaction brought it back to life. No stopping now.  _

 

You checked behind you to see if anybody was paying attention. But of course, the only other officer on the platform was busy doing something on his datapad. You were glad for once that nobody ever did their damn job. Quickly, you skipped your way up into the cargo shuttle, almost like you were about to be shot or something. If he  _ had  _ been paying attention, that officer would've thought you were suspicious. But he wasn't. And you  _ were.  _ And what you were paying attention to was several knocked out stormtroopers being dragged away by rebels. 

 

They stopped and stared at you, life seeming to leave their eyes.  _ Hope.  _ You pursed your lips and turned your head, looking out to the officer who was going to get fired one day. He still swiped and clicked away at his gadget. You swiveled back towards the rebels and nodded slowly. “It's alright. I'm not going to turn you in.”

 

Maybe they didn't believe you, you couldn't blame them, but nobody moved or spoke. From a small door came a woman now dressed in a guard's uniform and a man in the officer's suit.  _ Rebels.  _ You looked at both of them quickly. “You're the woman from Eadu,” you said, recognizing her immediately. “Galen’s daughter, right?”

 

She nodded once, glanced away, and then approached you. “I know you,” she said slowly, hoarsely. “My father knows you. You saved his life.”

 

You took a deep breath, that relief washing over your body once again. Galen  _ was  _ alive. He  _ was.  _ Shaking your head, you turned. “I know what you're here for. I can help,” you said. You turned back to her. “But your group has to  _ stay here.  _ If you leave, I can promise you'll all die. But I can get those plans. I can get you to those plans. Krennic trusts me.” You paused, looking all around at them. “Hurry up and get those uniforms on. We’ll go now.”

 

“No offense,” the man in the officer's uniform started, “But how can we trust that you're telling the truth?”

 

You stopped, frowning. “Because you have no other choice,” you said. You turned and started making your way out of the shuttle. The woman followed close behind, helmet now placed on her head. The man and a droid came along too. 

The officer finally looked up from his datapad to open the door for you. You each climbed inside. You pulled your arms behind your back and stood straight.  _ Again, intimidating, scary, strong.  _ Although one could argue that the KX droid standing by your side was intimidating enough. 

 

It spoke, its voice a lot more  _ childish _ than you'd expected. “I've got a bad feeling abo-”

 

“Kay!”

 

“Quiet!”

 

“What?”

 

You smiled. 

 

\--

If not for the man with the accent, (hopefully you would learn his name so you could stop calling him ‘man with the accent’) you would have been stuck wondering the hallways for hours just walking in circles trying to find the vault. But he was quick, smart, exactly what you expected a rebel to be. He walked ahead of you, his KX droid following behind him. You'd taken to calling him Kay to make things easier. They made a quick  ~~ suspicious  ~~ sharp turn to the left, following after a much shinier KX-series. They cornered the poor thing in a small alcove and in seconds, Kay was extracting the information he needed from the droid's head. It fell limp as he searched for a map. 

 

You glanced over at the woman, wondering her name as well. Maybe you would just call her Erso. She had long since slid open the mask to peer at the squad members (particularly you). 

 

Kay finished, letting the other droid fall onto the ground. He stepped forward and although he had no face; you could see a sort of defeated expression. “Cassian,” he said. 

 

The man with the accent (thank god you could stop calling him that) answered. “What is it, Kay?”

 

The droid huffed  ~~ sort of.  ~~ “Our optimal route to the data vault places only eighty-nine stormtroopers in our path. We will make it no more than one-third of the way before we are killed.”

 

Erso looked about ready to pass out, wide eyes meeting Cassian’s. He seemed like he wasn't shocked, or worried. He turned his attention to you almost as if he was saying  _ you want us to trust you? Now is your chance. Get us out of this mess.  _

 

You pursed your lips. “We won't be killed.” You looked over your shoulder. “Leave the troopers to me. Just lead us to the vault.” You directed the last part at Kay and he nodded.  _ What am I supposed to do?  _ You almost sighed, but these people seemed like they needed more than dread at the moment so you kept your brave face on. Besides, the stormtroopers were afraid of you  ~~ thanks to Krennic.  ~~ And if they did happen to approach you, you were quite a manipulator  ~~ thanks again, Krennic.  ~~

 

Erso closed her mask and Kay stepped out of the alcove and down the hall. You sped up and walked beside him. You always looked scary when you had  _ giants  _ standing next to you. “Let me do the talking,” you said quietly. He did not reply, which meant he did not object. 

 

And  _ man was that droid a pessimist.  _ Turns out that  _ you  _ were right, not him. No stormtroopers asked any questions, no officers stopped you. You were not  _ killed.  _ You made it to the vault safely and undisturbed. An officer stood by the data vault, tapping his fingers.  _ Oh man.  _ The officer from before. The one you'd ditched. He glared at you, not seeming to be afraid of you like everyone else  was ~~_was_ everyone else afraid of you? ~~ You clenched your jaw and raised an eyebrow as you approached. “Is there a problem?” You snapped, cold and hard. He seemed to shrink a bit and his face turned ever so slightly red.  ~~ Ah, so you  _ were  _ scary.  ~~

 

“N-No, ma’am. Of course not.” He said quickly. 

 

“Good.” You waved your hand. “You can go back now, my friends are going to help me down here.”

 

He hesitated a bit, clearly terrified of straight up telling you  _ no _ . But all it took was a slight narrowing of the eyes and the puppy dog was running out the door, tail between his legs. You turned to Cassian and Kay and shrugged.  _ Trust me now? _

 

Cassian nodded back at you but made no attempt to even smile or thank you. But it was a stressful situation. He would thank you later.  ~~ Probably.  ~~  He and Erso made their way into the vault, leaving you and Kay outside to do the technical work. A few minutes was all you needed and you would have the plans. You could take them back to the shuttle and get off of Scarif.  _ Would I be going?  _ You shook your head.  _ No time to think about that.  _

 

\--

 

Again, you were  _ right.  _ It took only a few minutes and luckily no interruptions to get the data tapes. Erso handed them to you after you'd explained that you were supposed to be getting data for Krennic anyway. They were safer in your hands than in anybody else's. Now you guys had to get out. Get to the shuttle. So far, nothing was going wrong. But your nerves were overtaking you. All it took was  _ one _ officer who didn’t recognize Cassian, or _ \- God forbid,  _ Krennic himself. You took a deep breath, clenching your fist around the data tape. Nobody said anything.  _ Please, nobody say anything! We’re almost there! _

If only you were so lucky. You recognized his voice from behind you immediately and before he had the chance to finish his sentence, you shoved the data tapes into Cassian’s arms and turned. Krennic didn’t seem to have seen the pass. “Keep going,” You whispered, and there was no hesitation. Droid and rebels scurried away down the corridor. You didn’t watch them leave, trying your absolute best not to look suspicious. 

 

“Where have you been?” Asked Krennic. Not in any sort of angry way. He had a slight smirk on his face. He thought he knew you well. “I’ve been waiting-”

 

“Yes, Krennic. I’m sorry. I saw a chance to go outside... I just wanted to  _ smell it. _ ” You stopped him. He didn’t even glance at  your ~~friends~~ the rebels as they climbed aboard that side-elevator thing. You tried to look embarrassed. And then you smiled. “It’s just so beautiful here, Krennic!”

 

He chuckled, and for a moment you found yourself laughing along with him. A real laugh. But the moment ended. You remembered who he was, what he had done. You shook your head. “If… I could just have a few more minutes.”

 

“Go for as long as you’d like,” He said, waving you off. “I’m sure you will perform better after a happy break anyway.”

 

You smiled and quickly hugged him. You tried to make it last long enough to make it seem genuine and then jumped off, practically running down the hall. You waited for the elevator thing to open and hopped in.  _ Go faster, go faster! They’ll leave without me! _

 

But you were wrong. When the door opened, the cargo shuttle was still there. You ignored the officer, who was probably ignoring you as well and climbed into the thing. Cassian was already halfway out of the stolen uniform and Erso was nowhere in sight.  _ Take off. I can help them take off. _ You passed the other rebels and climbed up to the cockpit. A man with large goggles held up on his head turned to look at you, eyebrows creasing. “I can help.” You said. “Let me help.”

 

He glanced behind you, where Erso now stood. “It’s okay, Bodhi. You can trust her.”

 

You smiled at her, thanking her. You went to stand next to Bodhi. You clicked a button and spoke into it, “Cargo shuttle SW-0608, this is Officer (Y/L/N) requesting take-off. By order of Director Krennic.”

  
There was a pause. “Cargo shuttle SW-0608, cleared for take-off.”

  
\--


	3. Yavin 4

 

You'd spent the better part of the journey to Yavin 4 by Bodhi Rook’s side. You rather liked listening to his stories whether ~~~~~~they were true or not~~ _._ You'd done your best to match his storytelling skills, but you had nothing half as interesting to tell. The most interesting thing about you was your origins. You'd come from a different _galaxy_ after all. He'd asked lots and lots of questions, most of which you were able to answer. But then he asked _why._ It'd stopped you and you turned away for a bit, pondering. You'd never known the _why._ You'd only known that it happened. He apologized quickly and quietly and left you to your own devices. You'd gotten bored after only a few minutes and started talking to him again. Jyn (you'd learned her name via Cassian who had a lot of good things to say about her) had stopped by a few times to ~~chat~~ check how much time you had until you reached the base. She'd made her way to sit by Cassian and Kay afterward. She sat a bit too close to him to convince anyone they were ‘just friends’.

 

When you finally came to Yavin 4, you could barely wait for everyone else to get off. Sure, you were a little nervous about being there. There was no chance in hell the officers wouldn't question you ruthlessly. Bodhi walked by you as you all made your way into the main hangar. Rebels stood around and said nothing as your group walked. You'd guessed Jyn hadn't had permission before going to Scarif. “It's alright,” Bodhi said, and you looked up to him, raising an eyebrow. “I got questioned. I mean- I was nervous, I guess. But that's me. You should be fine.”

 

You smiled, “Thank you, Bodhi.”

 

“(Y/N)...”

 

You stopped, stunned. You recognized the voice as if it had been the only thing you'd ever heard. Galen Erso stood within the hangar. He looked stronger than you'd remembered him, and far less tired. Still a little worn, probably from worrying about his daughter. But he didn't look as frail and old as he had on Eadu. Your legs felt like jelly, they shook slightly and you tilted. You wanted to run for him and jump into his arms. But you couldn't move. You gulped and forced yourself forward, slowly. He stepped towards you and smiled and your legs picked themselves up and you lunged at him. He wrapped his arms around you and you held onto him, making sure he was real. You stayed like that for a bit.

  


“You found your daughter,” you said, because you didn't know what else to say. He did. And Jyn was every bit as amazing as he'd thought she would've grown up to be. You let go of him, spotting tears brimming in his eyes.

 

“I did,” Galen replied, smiling. You stepped back and looked around. “This is quite a base, isn't it?”

 

“It is. Exactly what I was expecting.” Well, sort of. It was busy, and there were X-Wings everywhere. So, pretty much what you expected out of a rebel base. But you were somehow picturing _more._ More rebels, more room. You took a deep breath. “I'm guessing I'll have to go in for questioning.”

 

He nodded. “It will be fine. You might even get special treatment. Considering that you're an Earthling,”

 

Your eyebrows knitted together. You'd forgotten that the Empire and Resistance and everyone else in the galaxy had been calling the people from Earth by that name. Of course, as far as you knew, there weren't any more people like you. At least, you hadn't met any. _Chances were they were dead_

 

Galen seemed to understand your dislike of the word and apologized. You shook your head and hugged him again, quickly. Because a woman was approaching. She wore white robes and had short sandy hair. You'd heard of her before. Mon Mothma. A taller man followed behind her, hair the same color, but his face less kind than hers. She smiled at you and at ~~your friends~~ Cassian, Jyn, Bodhi and several men you hadn't met. She stopped somewhere in between you and them.

 

“I cannot tell you how thankful I am for your success on Scarif.” She turned her body towards you. “My greatest thanks go to you, (Y/N). We wouldn't have had this chance without you.”

 

You twitched. That wasn't true, you knew it and so did she. Maybe Cassian and Jyn would have died, but the plans would not have stayed on Scarif. You were sure of that. Like many times before, you forced a smile.

 

She turned back towards your comrades. “We have help coming from Alderaan. A Jedi by the name of Obi-Wan Kenobi is being escorted by Leia Organa.”

 

The taller man intervened. “Her ship broke down on the planet after they landed, they had to receive help from an outside source.”

 

 _What outside source? More outside than a Jedi?_ You stared at them and sighed, biting at a hangnail. You remembered painting your nails when you lived on Earth. You'd started doing it so that you would stop biting your nails. Unfortunately there wasn't any nail polish in space, so you'd resorted to your old ways. The man turned on you like a wolf that just spotted its prey and you dropped your hand to your side like it was made of metal.

 

“We're going to ask you some questions. I'll need you to follow me.” He didn't wait for a response, instead marching off. You glanced at Galen and followed along quickly. You avoided bumping into any busy rebels as you made your way through the hangar. You imagined how ridiculous you must've looked. It made your lips curl a bit. But they fell as soon as the man, Draven, started talking.

 

At first he asked questions that were easy for you to answer. Who was Orson Krennic? Had you ever come in contact with Tarkin? How long had you been working with the Empire? _When had you left Earth?_ You felt sort of dizzy. It was happening fast and you were answering even faster, hoping for it to end. But the questions just kept coming and you began to feel a bit irritated.

 

“Do you know where they were planning to use the weapon?”

 

“Of course not.” You clenched your fists in your lap. “They weren't _planning_ on using it. They didn't say where they were going because they weren't _going anywhere…”_ you paused and thought for a moment. “But I think… if somehow they find out where your base is… they might use it here.”

 

Draven sat leaning on his elbow. The rubbed a hand over his chin and sighed. Nodding, he waved his hand. “You're free to go.”

 

You almost tripped getting off of that chair

 

You weren't sure where your new friends were going to be. ~~If you could even call them that~~. You smashed through the door like the room was about to explode and ran smack into somebody. They tumbled back a bit.

 

“Oh. Sorry, Bodhi.” You stepped back and rubbed your hands together. That hadn't felt pleasant. His giant vest full of gadgets and gizmos made sure of that. He shook his head.

 

“No, no. It- _I’m_ sorry. I mean- it's okay, really.” He smiled at you, just lightly. You smiled back. “Uh, how did it go?”

 

You're face dropped and you groaned dramatically, slouching your body.. “It was _awful._ I thought he was _never_ going to _stop_ .” You flung your arms up, making Bodhi chuckle. You laughed lightly and stood straight again. “Anyway. We should probably find somewhere less hectic to talk and such. Nowhere near the hangar. Although I'm not sure we’ll find anywhere _quiet._ ”

 

He smiled and hooked his arm around yours. “I've already taken care of that,” he said, and you raised an eyebrow in response. He pulled you along and through the winding hallways. Who knew there was another exit besides the hangar? It was a small door and it led out to a tiny courtyard. You could still hear the hustle and bustle from the hangar, but barely. Cassian and company was already out there, talking. You looked around.

 

“It's nice out here,” _despite the humidity._

 

He let your arm go and for some reason, you found yourself wishing he hadn't. You made your way to the group.

 

“(Y/N), this is Chirrut and Baze. We met them on Jedha,” Cassian said, gesturing to the blind man and his ~~husband~~  companion. You smiled.

 

“Pleased to meet you.”

 

Chirrut, _the blind one,_ snatched your hand in his own quickly. He gave it a squeeze and dropped it. “Thank you,” he said. “For saving our lives. I imagine we would not have come back from Scarif without your help.”

 

“I saw an opportunity to get away from the Empire.” You wanted to be honest. You hadn't really helped them because you wanted to _save_ them. You just wanted to get away. You wanted to get away with information that could _destroy the Empire._ You were always so selfish, and this wasn't any different. But at least you felt bad about it. These were good people who would probably stick with you for the rest of your life.

 

“Regardless,” Jyn said, stepping forward. “You risked your life to get those plans. That's what matters.”

 

You bit the inside of your cheek and turned your attention to the concrete below your feet. It was cracked horribly, with different weeds poking out. Some kind of bug crawled on the ground. You stepped back from the huddle that the group had made. “Let's talk about something else,” you almost begged.

 

Jyn nodded and stepped back too. Cassian sighed as something buzzed from within his pocket. He took it out, staring at it  and whispered something to Jyn. He ran off to go back inside. Probably to do _Captain stuff._ You watched him go and turned away to the forest. You'd love to take a hike out there someday.

 

You jolted a bit as a hand clasped over yours. Not Chirrut again, but Bodhi. He pulled you towards the tree line. There was a large tree stump, big enough to be a stage. You sat down with him and pulled your hand away. You were glad, at least, that Bodhi understood your anxieties. He'd pulled you away to spare you from any more talk of Empire, Earth, or Rebellion. He was silent for a good minute, you thought maybe there was something wrong.

 

But then he started up again. “So tell me about yourself,” he said and it sounded less rushed than any of his previous statements. You couldn’t understand why he was so _nice._ You hadn’t run into very nice people in a while. You’d met him not even a day ago, but felt like it was longer. It felt good to talk to him, perhaps because he knew what you were going through.

“There’s not much to tell,” You replied, picking at some loose bark. Well, there might be. But what could you tell him? He wouldn’t understand most of it. Earth things. You decided you might try anyway. “What do you wanna know?”

 

“Anything,” Bodhi adjusted his goggles and removed that huge vest. He was probably tired of wearing it. “Do you like animals?”

 

“Yes, I suppose. Not dogs. I’m a cat person.”

 

“Okay, um… Do you play any instruments?”

 

“Earth instruments or space instruments?”

  
“How about Earth? Make things interesting.”

 

“Okay, well. I could play piano. Not good. Oh! I know how to play guitar,” You snapped as you remembered. You never really liked playing it. _Long nails._ But still, it was a lot of fun. You looked out to the trees, imagining taking some wood and building your own guitar. It wouldn’t be easy, but you really really wanted to. “How would you feel about helping me make one?” You asked Bodhi, turning back to look at him. You liked him. You wanted to spend more time with him. Besides, he seemed like a person who could get you the materials you needed.

 

He paused, looked away for a moment, and then nodded. “Y-Yeah, that sounds like fun,”

 

You frowned. It _would_ be fun. If there were no Empire or Death Star or Orson Krennic or goddamn Darth Vader. It _would_ be fun. But there was no time for _fun._ And Bodhi Rook knew that. He wouldn’t say it out loud. You imagined you must have looked excited, happy even. He didn’t seem like the sort of person to squish that. You shook your head. He didn’t need to squish it. You’d done it just fine on your own ~~thank you very much.~~ “It… It was silly. Never mind.” You stood up from the stump with gusto and realized that you hadn’t really had anything to drink. You fought off the dizziness best you could and spun around on Bodhi. “Thank you for bringing me here. We should talk more.” You tried to speak as softly as possible. Yes, you _were upset_. But Bodhi didn’t deserve you taking it out on him. You swiveled and made your way for the door to go inside. You wanted to sleep so bad.

 

\--

You weren’t sure exactly how long you’d been asleep. It had been a _long time._ You guessed that your brain was much too worn down to construct any sort of nightmare. _Lucky._ You were quite sure that wouldn’t happen again. Maybe it was just a good night. Your brain didn’t _usually_ care about how _tired_ you were before flashing images of the dead your way.

 

Again, you weren’t sure how long you were out. But when you got back up and about, the rebel base was still running around crazily. It was cloudy out, so you weren’t sure if it was early or late. Either way, the Princess’ ship had finally arrived. Well- it wasn’t _her_ ship. It was the ship a smuggler. You knew him well. Han Solo. Okay, so you didn’t know him _personally._ But your job in the Empire was to know pretty much everything about everyone (which wasn’t all that hard when you had six movies all with novelizations on your home planet). Along with Han Solo, Leia Organa exited the ship with two others. An old man (that was Obi-Wan) and a much younger boy. He introduced himself ~~_loudly_ ~~ as Luke Skywalker. A few other random officers followed after them and then two droids. The first was _freaking R2-D2,_ and he’d already taken quite a liking to Luke. He followed him close behind. And Threepio followed suit, all the while complaining to his counterpart.

 

You watched Mon Mothma and General Draven escort them away and decided to go back to the courtyard. Besides, it’s not like they really would need you now. It was lucky that it wasn’t that hard to get to the rebel base’s back-door. Nobody was out there when you pushed yourself through the door _(which got stuck for a second. You kind of wanted to fix that)._ You went over to the stump and sat down. You pulled your legs up so that you were sitting cross-legged and slouched. A part of you wished you weren’t alone. But it was good for you to be alone this close to waking up. You didn’t have any particular reason for being upset, but you usually just were. You heard some metal clang together and snapped your head up.

  
It was Kay trying to unstick the door from it’s hinges ~~rather successfully~~ _._ He paused, staring at you as he held the now ~~_destroyed_ ~~ broken door. He threw it to the side into a soft patch of grass and made heavy strides towards you. If you hadn’t met Darth Vader that once you might have been scared for your life at that moment. But a droid was nothing compared to a Sith.

 

“Cassian has sent me to get you,” He said, stopping right in front of the stump.

 

You nodded. “I hope it was no trouble finding me,” You held back a chuckle. You knew that Kay was quite a sassy bot. You thought it would be kind of fun to push his buttons. A different droid of his caliber _not reprogrammed though_  might have smashed your bones if you’d spoken to it that way. But Kay would probably pout and stomp away like a silly little kid. That’s what made it all the more fun.

 

“Well I went to your room first, but you weren’t there,” The droid replied, still watching you carefully.

 

“Oh, dear.” You put a hand up to your mouth, gasping. “Well- I am very sorry about that, Kaytoo,” You got up from the stump and took a step forward. “I’ll be sure to hide better next time.”

  
The droid reeled back, ~~definitely~~ seemingly offended. You laughed and assured him that you were just joking around. Which didn’t make him feel any better. He escorted you in silence to where a huge group of pilots sat and a large screen stood with a picture of the Death Star on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am actually so happy that people are reading this story. I was afraid that it wasn't going to get any hits. But you guys seem to be enjoying it so I'll keep on!!


	4. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Had it been long enough? Had you known him long enough? Only two- no three- only three weeks. Was it long enough?

 

You weren't quite sure what was expected of you. You'd told General Draven all that you could, so really you thought you were of no use anymore. Maybe they just wanted everyone to know the plan? At least everyone involved with the Death Star. You stood next to Galen and Bodhi, leaning against the wall behind you. Bodhi still seemed tired and you wondered if he suffered from insomnia. At least Galen looked well rested. He needed that. You'd decided long ago that the poor man was never given any breaks. On particularly slow days in the Empire, you would imagine sneaking him some blankets and forcing him to take a long nap. It was never so. You weren't exactly a _symbol of health_ yourself. It would've been hypocritical- you thought - to nag _anyone_ about sleeping habits.

 

Last night had been a lucky one. The first in many that you'd gotten all the way through. You weren't quite sure you'd even _dreamed._

 

The meeting went on just how you expected it to go. The white haired man explained the fault of the Death Star. He rambled on for a while, going into every single detail of how this thing was going to play out. Luke Skywalker somehow received his own X-Wing, which you chose not to question. He had to be a good pilot otherwise, they wouldn't have given it to him, so why worry?

 

You went back to the courtyard as soon as the meeting ended. You listened to shouting rebels and watched pilots leave Yavin 4. You found yourself wondering how these people could _die_ for their cause. It made you think of stormtroopers and Imperial officers alike. They were the same in many ways except for on the _genocide_ side of things. You thought of Darth Vader and how it would be inevitable that he would go head to head with Obi-Wan. You thought of how Obi-Wan possibly wouldn't make it away from that fight. You thought of young Luke and how things would change for him from that loss. You wanted to _hope_ and _wish_ that Obi-Wan would come back, but you didn’t want to challenge _fate._

 

 _But things already were different._ Obi-Wan was on Yavin 4. Han Solo still hadn’t left, he was still around arguing with ~~his crush~~ the princess. And _you_ were there. _Screw fate._ The things you had seen on Earth all those years ago were still just _stories._ They were stories, even though you still had no clue _how._ Stories should come _after_ the event, right? Apparently not. ~~Perhaps George Lucas was force sensitive.~~

 

You thought of all these things, all the while peeling the old bark off of your special ~~huge~~ little tree stump. You fiddled with the pieces for a second and then dropped them, moving on to bigger ones. You hadn’t even noticed Bodhi approaching you. ~~How could you? It’s not like he opened any doors. Thanks, Kaytoo.~~

He cleared his throat and you jumped, startled. _Why did that keep happening to you?_ Taking a deep breath, you looked up at him, dropping the last piece of tree bark.

 

He pointed his thumb in the direction of the door and raised an eyebrow. You shrugged. “Kay didn’t like it,” You stated simply, smirking a bit. Bodhi’s lips curled into a tiny smile and he set himself down next to you. You didn’t mind. He looked up at the sky, watching the last of the ships make their exit from Yavin 4. You watched his face closely, trying to memorize it. You rather liked his face, actually. It was soft and kind and oh so _tired._ He was handsome, you had to admit that. Not in the way Cassian was handsome or Han was handsome, though. He had his own _handsome._ It wasn’t a strong jaw line or a smolder or a smirk. It was the kindness. It was that _softness._

 

You looked away quickly as he noticed your staring. He didn’t say anything about it, which made you feel better. “So… I think that… once the- uh- you know- is destroyed…” He scratched his nose and took a sharp inhale. “Then… We should make that thing you were talking about.”

 

You blinked once, twice, and looked at him. “Bodhi, I was just so tired when I said that. It really was _stupid._ ”

  
He shook his head. “I don’t think it was. Besides, how hard can it be?”

 

Considering you didn’t even really remember what a guitar _looked like,_ hard. Very hard. But he actually seemed excited about doing this. In addition to this _excitement_ , that softness and kindness in his face started to get to you. How could you say no to that face? Your shoulders slumped a bit and you decided to give in. Why not? Couldn’t hurt to try.

 

“Alright, I’ll do it.”

 

\--

 

Mission successful, Death Star blown to smithereens. Obi-Wan _still alive._ Luke Skywalker _now training to become a Jedi._ Oh, and your very favorite, _base being moved elsewhere._ To where? You had no clue ~~Hoth,~~ but Bodhi was coming and so was Galen. You had everything you needed because you no longer had any belongings. ~~Because you had stuff left in your Imperial bedroom. Pft.~~

 

It looked like the Death Star wasn’t the only thing to be blown to smithereens. You were actually a little disappointed that you wouldn’t be making that guitar with Bodhi. It would have been a chance to get to know him better. Well, at least _that_ could be done on ~~Hoth~~ the new rebel base. Speaking of Bodhi, the rebellion finally decided to give him a new uniform. You’d been with him when they handed him a bright orange jumpsuit. You’d accidentally laughed at it and had to leave. Bodhi showed up later with a dark green jacket with resistance insignia on its shoulder. You told yourself it was because of the color of the other pilot's jacket, but in reality, it was probably because of _your reaction_ to the other pilot's jacket.

 

You'd received a few new outfits as well. Green shirts and brown vests made of the majority of them. ~~Why does everyone wear vests?~~ You'd also gotten a huge winter jacket and some hats, which meant you were definitely going to Hoth. You'd always loved the snow. But the idea of spending your everyday life in it made you cringe. _Looking_ at the snow was just fine and dandy. You found it beautiful. But _being in it_ was a whole different story. Bodhi didn’t seem to mind, but that probably had to do with the fact that he grew up on a frozen planet.

 

It was kind of ironic that such a cold planet ended in such a warm way.

 

You stood in the hangar and waited. You had only one bag, and you held your winter coat on your arm. You weren’t sure who was taking you to Hoth, but you prayed that it was Bodhi or Galen or Cassian or maybe even _all of the above._ You wiped a bit of sweat off of your forehead. It would be sort of a relief to get out of the humidity of Yavin 4. You remember that your hair used to have a crazy amount of curl and frizz to it. Only when you lived on Earth, though. After nine years living in space, it had flattened itself down. There wasn’t any weather or real air to have any effect on it up there. Still, only a few days into your stay on this sticky planet and those nine years of flat hair started to diminish.

 

You smiled as you caught sight of Bodhi through the crowd. You turned completely to him. “Are we leaving?”

 

“Yes. Han is taking us.”

 

Us as in _who._

 

“Cassian and the others,” Bodhi replied, answering your question before you even had the chance to ask. You nodded and swiveled around to look for the Millennium Falcon. Sure enough, it sat right outside the hangar. Chewbacca stood in front of it right next to Kaytoo and the rest of the droids. You looked at Bodhi and gestured.

 

“Alright. Let’s go.”

 

\--

 

Hoth was every bit as cold and horrible as you expected it to be. You had to wrap one of your shirts from your bag around your face _over the scarf._ It wasn’t any warmer indoors, either. You’d think that if you had a base on a block of ice you’d put some _heaters_ inside. But no, and the only upside of being indoors was the lack of wind. It was a pretty large base, at least, and you received your own living quarters almost as soon as you landed. It was kind of stupid to give people their own rooms, you thought. It would be more efficient for people to share, it would be _warmer._ But they didn’t think about that and they (Draven) _clearly_ didn’t care about _your_ opinion.

 

You’d managed, somehow, to steal about five blankets before you arrived at your living quarters. There wasn’t much inside besides a small mattress on the floor with a heavy blanket on it. You shuffled with the other _five_ and threw yourself onto the ~~block of ice~~ bed. You snuggled under the first blanket and then the others and found warmth. Of course, you were still wearing your coat and scarf and shirt-scarf, so you expected to be sweating soon.

 

Unlike most of the times you finally accomplished to get comfortable, nobody came to find you. Not Galen, not even Bodhi. So you took the opportunity to take a small nap in your cocoon of blankets.

 

And a _small nap_ it was. You’d gotten maybe half an hour before disturbing pictures and events started to creep into your mind. You saw Earth, as always, this time burning and dying, and people around you were shoving and pushing and trying to _escape the jaws of death._ You’d fallen over as they rushed past, trying to see what caused the fire. You looked up to the sky and saw. It was the Death Star, shiny and new. It seemed to laugh as the people scattered. You heard your name being called out and turned to find the source. In the distance, you could see your family. They were being forced onto a shuttle. They begged you for help but you couldn’t move. You _couldn’t_ help.

 

And then you woke up.

 

\--

 

To say you were a _bit_ irritable when you left your quarters that day would've been a _severe_ understatement. You were upset and _cold_ and somehow nobody else seemed to mind the freezer they were living in. You understood that Leia was too busy worrying about rebel things to care about the cold. You understood that Luke was busy learning Jedi things from Obi-Wan and Chirrut alike. You _understood_ but that _didn't mean you had to like it._

 

You hadn't meant to snap at Bodhi when startled you in the hallway. You hadn't meant to scowl at him and quickly retreat back to your room. You felt bad about it. But your blankets were nice and warm and you needed time to cool off ~~pun intended.~~

 

It was a few hours later that you finally crawled out of your cave and went to find poor Bodhi Rook to apologize. It took you a while, the base was big and the rebels were busy and it had circulated that  Luke and Han had gotten stuck out in the snow. You pushed past a few people, briefly considering stopping and talking to Leia. But you _needed_ to find Bodhi. Besides, you weren't very close with Leia anyway.

 

\--

 

Thirty minutes and a burning nose later you found Bodhi in some kind of training room. He was nestled in one of the corners, fixing some electronic device. He didn't say anything when you sat down next to him, probably in fear that he'd tick you off again. You stared at your feet for a moment, trying to find the proper words.

 

“I didn't mean to yell at you,” You said quietly, looking at him.  He paused in his working and then continued. “I was just… I was tired. I wasn't mad at you, I promise.” You pushed. You just wanted him to _look_ at you. Besides Galen, Bodhi was your closest friend. And you two hadn't even known each other for more than two weeks. You wanted to tell him that but _still,_ he wouldn't look at you. You sighed and got up slowly, trying not to slip on the ice.

 

Right as you got yourself upright, you felt a hand clutch onto your arm. It was soft through your large coat, but it was there. You looked down to Bodhi, he was staring up at you. He still looked so tired, but there seemed to be something else in his eyes right now. You carefully set yourself back down and leaned against him.

 

And finally, without five blankets wrapped around your body, you felt warm.

 

\--

 

Things were- _better._ It was still _freezing._ But things were better. You'd spent more and more time around Bodhi and Galen. They seemed to get along well. You were glad. These were the two most important people to you (having known Bodhi for _three_ weeks now instead of _two)_

 

But if there was one thing you were used to in your life by now, was that better never lasted. Hoth was under attack by the Empire. You were forced to evacuate to somewhere safer and very luckily made it out unscathed. You'd taken a random cargo shuttle to an unnamed moon on the other side of the galaxy. It was _green_ luckily. One week of snow was enough for you.

 

You wrung your hands together nervously as the shuttle finally landed. You'd been stuffed in with a large group of rebels, ~~you were surprised the shuttle even lifted off the ground.~~

 

You waited until everyone else was off before stepping out into the grass. Bodhi followed close behind you as well as Galen and Jyn. Cassian was ahead of the group, forced to lead them in the absence of General Draven and Leia. You thought Cassian would make a better General than simply ‘rebel intelligence.’

 

Bodhi walked next to you, closely. Maybe he was trying to comfort you, perhaps he was trying to comfort _himself._ You didn't care. You liked being close to him. You liked the feeling of your hands brushing together. You liked the smile he flashed every once in awhile. You _liked_ Bodhi.

 

Turns out that this unnamed moon would’ve probably made a better base than any. It was off in its own little corner and it wasn’t very big. Not to mention there were so many trees you could hardly walk through the forest.

 

Cassian led the group until you reached a large door in the ground. The Resistance must have expected things on Hoth to go wrong ~~you most certainly had~~ because this place was completely ready to house all of the rebel soldiers. The door led down to an enormous underground bunker.  It was already fully stocked with clothes, blankets ~~lots of blankets~~ , food, and ammunition. You figured nobody else was going to be sleeping, so you grabbed some blankets (as many as your arms would allow) and found your own corner of the bunker. There were a few rooms branching off from the main one, but they weren’t bedrooms and you could hardly keep yourself upright. You were too exhausted to keep standing. The corner you chose as was far away from all the chaos as you could manage, and it was a little quieter over there.

 

It was too warm to cover yourself with your blankets, so you used them to make yourself a tiny palette in your corner. It wasn’t very comfortable, especially while you were by yourself. But then Bodhi met up with you and donated his own blankets. He let you lean up against him and watch the hustle and bustle of the fighters who’d just been so close to death. You kept your eyes open, it was too early in the day to sleep and you didn’t wish to have a nightmare while all these people surrounded you. At least with Bodhi by your side, you felt a lot better.

 

You hadn’t expected his arm to wrap around you, but you didn’t mind it. There was something about your relationship with him that made the both of you act a little _braver._ It was nice, it was something you hadn’t remembered experiencing.

 

Names and faces from your past were a blur now, excluding the important ones (Parents, family.) Sure, you’d gotten crushes on plenty of people back on Earth, but you were a teenager and that was years ago. The feelings you developed for Bodhi Rook _now_ were confusing and _new. Oh so new._ Because you’d spend your later years resenting and hating and _tricking_ and _lying._ But this was no lie. There was no lie you could tell Bodhi because there was no way you could bring yourself to lie to him.

 

“Was there anything else?” Asked Bodhi, and you stirred a bit. You pushed away from him, raising an eyebrow. “Uh- Hobbies?” He added, and your mouth formed a small ‘oh’ in response.

 

You lifted your shoulders with your breath and thought for a moment, your eyes trailing the ceiling of the bunker. The memories were as far away as the stars, and you grasped at them. “I sang,” You shrugged, but didn’t look back at him. You grabbed at the thoughts, at the memories, at the puzzle pieces and tried to fit them together. It was nine years ago, and it was blurry and bleak and you just didn’t _know._ “I drew. Painted, mostly.” A light memory pops into your brain of a tiny canvas, of red paint smeared on the sleeve of your favorite shirt. Oil paint, that you immediately swore to never use again. Because it had _stained_ the shirt and you could never get that red out of the sleeve. Another, where you hand a bigger canvas to your father. It’s one of your first paintings, not very good, not shaded well. But he takes it in his hands anyway with a grin plastered on his face. He takes it and hangs it up on its own wall and declares that he will hang all of your art on the same wall.

  
A beat and you looked back at Bodhi. His eyebrows were knitted together in concern and he was leaned forward. “What?” You asked, and your voice broke. It was then that you felt how wet your cheeks were. You swiped at the salty tears and chuckled silently. “Sorry, I’m okay. It was a happy memory.”

 

You felt another tear stray, hopefully, the last. You went to wipe it, but Bodhi’s hand was on your cheek before yours could reach. His hands didn't shake, and you could feel heat creeping up your neck. Bodhi Rook wiped the tear away and you prayed for him to drop his hand. _Not here,_ you thought, _God. Oh, Force! Not here!_ But his hand didn’t drop and his eyes didn’t leave yours and the heat was in your face now, making you crave water. He seemed so _sure_ of himself and it shook you to your core. Bodhi Rook never seemed sure about anything. He wasn’t sure when you first saw him on the cargo shuttle. He wasn’t sure when he answered a question asked by Cassian. He was _never sure._ But he _was_ . He was _sure_ about this.

 

You wanted it to stop, you wanted to push his hand away, you wanted to get up and find someone else, find Jyn or Galen or Kaytoo, and- oh Force, _you wanted to kiss him._ You could feel your heart pound in your chest like war-drums. You could feel it bang against your ribs, threatening to break them from the inside if you didn’t do what it was asking. _You wanted to kiss him, you wanted to kiss him._ Then it was you who was shaking. Your finger twitched and you started to raise your arm. _Do something- push him away! Pull him closer! Do something!!_

 

But you couldn’t _do it._ Your hand simply landed on Bodhi’s wrist, and it stayed there. It stayed there and you stared at him and your heart beat louder and louder until you could feel the clamor in your _skull. Push him away, pull him closer, get him to stop, kiss him. Do something. Not here._

 

“Not…” You tried, but your voice broke. You could feel the words in the back of your throat. _Not here, not here, not here._ But who cared? Who _honestly_ cared? They had their own problems to deal with and you were nestled in your own corner away from it all and you _wanted to kiss him._ You wanted to _kiss Bodhi Rook._ Had it been long enough? Had you known him long enough? _Only two- no three- only three weeks._ Was it long enough?

 

_Push, pull, stop, kiss. Kiss. Kiss._

 

He was too close, too close in the heat that you weren’t sure was caused by the planet. He was too close and your heart was screaming at you and damn it- _kiss him._

  
Your arm moved, moved to his chest, moved to his vest. Your hand wrapped around the fabric gently and you could feel his heart clambering just as hard as yours was and then you pulled. You _pulled_ as hard as you could and _you hadn’t kissed anyone in more than nine years._ You _pulled him_ and your lips collided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;) Finally ;)


	5. Otherwise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn was in front of you, hand placed on your shoulder. “It’s fine to have moments of relief,” She said, and she reminded you so much of Galen in that moment. “It doesn’t mean you care any less about the fight.”

The base had been temporary- well, the underground part of it, anyway. Two excruciatingly long days later and Cassian Andor was leading the rebels into the sunlight. You’d kept your blankets, thinking that if you carried them you’d be contributing somehow. But Cassian had made you put them back- those are for emergencies he had said. My comfort IS an emergency you’d replied, to which Bodhi had snorted. Clever comeback or no, you had still lost that battle. Goodbye blankets.

The real new base was similar to Yavin 4. It was a temple, dangerously covered in moss and weeds. But it was no Jedi temple, Obi-Wan had informed you. It was of a tribe that had been wiped out long before the Jedi. And it was huge, and somehow- the inside was clean and ready to house the rebellion. You craned your neck to find the ceiling of the first room- but it was too dark at the top to see it. Bodhi held your hand and squeezed it as a rebel pushed past. You squeezed it back, hoping it would give him some reassurance. 

“There’s wood here,” You said after a minute or so. Bodhi grinned, wide, signifying that he knew what you were talking about. Because- so what if there was a war going on around you. Bodhi needed some time away from it all and so did you. Besides, you weren’t exactly a hero. You were just someone who got out in time. You were just someone who helped the real heroes get away.

You were just a hop-skip and maybe forty feet away from your destination bed when Cassian and Jyn approached you. If Cassian had looked sleep-deprived before this whole situation, it was nothing compared to how he looked now. Even Bodhi creased his eyebrows with concern. 

“Word from Mothma,” Cassian said. He glanced over at Jyn and then back to the both of you after she nodded carefully. It was like he was asking permission to tell you what came next. “General Draven didn’t make it off of Hoth.” He continued.

A million scenarios flashed through your skull. You imagined him getting crushed by the ice walls. You imagined him badly injured and being held captive by the Empire. You imagined him- gone. It made you shiver. You hadn’t been particularly close to Draven, you’d only met the man a handful of times (A very, very small handful). You didn’t know him. But you could judge by the look on Cassian’s face, that it was not a loss taken lightly. “Dead?” You asked, because you felt like it needed asking. Was he dead? Was he being held prisoner?

Cassian seemed to consider your question for a moment and you just wanted to slap him, just say it! “We’re not sure.” Jyn’s hand brushed lightly against his own. “But until we know for sure, Mothma has put me in command.”

“General Andor,” Said Jyn, and a tiny smile rose to her lips. You hadn’t remembered her smiling before, and despite the conversation, you smiled back. 

Cassian’s lips curved upwards in a smirk and he huffed. “Don’t ever call me that,” He said to you and Bodhi. 

“Yes, sir.” You stifled a laugh and nodded. General Andor was better than just Captain, you thought. He was fit to command, he was a good leader. He gave you a look and you couldn't hold back the giggle that bubbled up. Bodhi’s hand gripped yours like a snake strangling its prey. 

“Well,” Cassian continued. “As my first act as ‘General’, I'm naming you Lieutenants Rook and (Y/L/N)” 

“Lieutenant?” You repeated, the word running over your tongue with an odd taste. “Lieutenant…” you said again and raised an eyebrow at him. Was he joking?

“Lieutenant.” Cassian assured, nodding once. You looked at him, and then to Bodhi- who was already looking at you. You stared at each other for a moment and then looked back to Cassian. “I'm being serious.” He pushed, chuckling. 

Jyn smiled again. Your smile widened until your cheeks started to hurt. Bodhi laughed alongside Cassian and you felt something in the room that you hadn't felt in a long time. It took place in the center of your heart, warming and warming until there was a fire and suddenly you felt like your lungs were going to give out from the laughing. You took a deep breath and stopped because people were starting to stare. It must've looked ridiculous, you thought. That a General and a Sergeant and two Lieutenants were laughing together in the middle of the war. 

Jyn was in front of you, hand placed on your shoulder. “It’s fine to have moments of relief,” She said, and she reminded you so much of Galen in that moment. “It doesn’t mean you care any less about the fight.”

You paused, glancing down at your feet. You hadn’t noticed the approach of Chirrut and Baze until a hand was on your arm, soft. You knew it was Chirrut before you even looked up. His smile, as always, was bright and gleaming- practically blinding. 

“Afternoon- General Andor,” He chirped, tilting his head in Cassian’s direction. The other male huffed, folding his arms over his chest. Baze chuckled- you memorized the sound. You memorized the moment you were living. The people around you- your friends. You took hold of it in your mind and locked it there. You memorized Jyn’s smile, the way she looked at Cassian- the way he looked at her. You memorized the feeling of Bodhi’s hand wrapped around yours, still there despite the claminess that was building. You held it like it would be the last time. You didn’t want to let go. You memorized Chirrut- the way he pressed his hand to Baze’s arm, gingerly. 

The feeling of burning guilt returned to your gut. It pounded in your ribs- you forced the smile to stay pressed on your lips. 

It was later that night- while you had your head rested on Bodhi’s chest- that you thought about what Jyn had said to you. You traced your thumb around the palm of his hand and thought.

You were a puzzle, you thought. A puzzle with too many lost and scattered pieces. Bodhi was too- then again. Maybe that was why the two of you became so close so fast. He was a puzzle too, and your pieces were a perfect fit with his. But they weren’t all the pieces- you thought that maybe you would never have all the pieces- that you would never complete the puzzle. 

At least you had him.

At least you had them.

But there was something gnawing at you, still.

It grew and clawed up your throat and it took you a minute to place it. It hurt. You wanted to sob, to scream. You wanted to cry, ‘I just want to go home!’ But you couldn’t, could you? Earth wasn’t lost to you. With the right ship, the right provisions, and the right coordinates, you could go home. Bodhi didn’t have a home.

His was destroyed, yours was still there. 

Coordinates. You knew where you could find them. 

The resistance would never let you go.

Bodhi’s finger tapped the back of your hand. When you looked up his eyebrows were furrowed and he was giving you a worried look. You tried to smile- to reassure him. It didn’t work.

Sighing, you buried your face further into his chest. “I was just- thinking about Earth,” a pause, and then, “I’m always thinking about Earth.”

“You want to go back?” He asked.

 

“It’s my home,” You replied, quietly- just under your breath. Of course you wanted to go back, and you wanted Bodhi to go with you. You wanted them all to go with you.

There was a moment of silence where doubt crept in. It felt like a pressure on your skull and in your chest.

But then, Bodhi spoke. “How?”

\--

The news of the second death star shook the resistance to its core. Draven was still missing- killed or captured, nobody was sure. Leia was in a command position, which was expected by all who had met her. Cassian was gone mostly, helping. You hadn’t seen Bodhi in at least three days. The two of you- though apparently Cassian had argued against it- had been separated. Each doing your own mission and job. 

But at least you had Jyn. Jyn- who was as upset about Cassian working that you were about Bodhi being gone. That didn’t stop her from making small talk- at least when you instigated it. It wasn’t often, though. You were comfortable with silence, and you were thankful that Jyn was too. (or at the very least tolerated it.) 

Oh, not to forget Kaytoo. Upon arrival, he had argued that it was not his decision to be on a team with Jyn. You knew though, that he was lying. He wasn’t good at lying. Jyn knew it too- though she chose not to dwell. 

The three of you scouted- looking at assigned planets for relocation. A space base (that’s what you had started calling your new home) wasn’t going to do forever.

Three days- three planets- one more to go. You doubted it was going to be the one, but missions were missions and at least there wouldn’t be much trouble.

Well, at least that’s what you thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is soooo not worth the wait! I'm sorry it's so short :( But now that I'm back, I'll try to write longer stuff. Thanks for the support guys, it means so much to me!


End file.
